Freedom

This morning I was discussing this post at Molly Saves the Day with my Dad. It’s a post about how feminists who shave or wax aren’t “real” feminists. Now, I already think that any pissing contest about who’s a “real” feminist and who isn’t is just stupid. It ends up, to continue the metaphor, with everyone covered in piss. Not productive.

But it did make me think about why the whole issue riles me up. Talking about it with Dad, I said (edited somewhat):

I really think that arguments about makeup and shaving and whatnot turn into more-feminist-than-thou pissing contests and thus are counterproductive.
I think the problem is that feminism encourages women to think for themselves and make their own choices – and some feminists don’t like the choices women use that freedom to make. … [But] when you set someone free you can’t dictate what they do with that freedom without becoming an oppressor yourself.

I’d like to repeat that last sentence, because I’m really proud of it: When you set someone free you can’t dictate what they do with that freedom without becoming an oppressor yourself.
Thus, the whole “you’re not a real feminist if” thing is oppressive bullshit. Maybe try asking questions, eh? Real questions, not “shouldn’t you stop dressing like a patriarchal collaborator and oppressing your sisters?” Questions like, “Have you thought about the messages that wearing makeup might send to people who see you?” Or “But don’t you think that getting a Brazillian wax contributes to the exploitation of women and buys into the beauty culture?” Those questions can start a discussion, and discussions are far, far more productive than infighting.
But even so: we must be careful that discussions about what we privileged upper middle class gals do with our bodies don’t distract from helping women in general. Not all women can afford makeup and waxing and whatnot, and that is a real issue.