Cellular
Originally written for The Milpitas Post.
Directed by: David R. Ellis
Starring: Chris Evans, Kim Bassinger, Jason Statham, William H. Macy
Rated: PG-13 for violence, terror situations, language and some sexual references.
Parental Notes: This is a fairly intense PG-13 film, and may be way to intense for preteens. Teens will doubtless enjoy the humor-action mix.
Isn’t there a dish your mother or father or favorite restaurant make that you just love? You know exactly what it tastes like, all the nuances, and you love it anyway. Director David R. Ellis’ new film, “Cellular,” is the cinematic equivalent of that dish. There’s nothing new in it except possibly the application of new technology to old tropes and scenes. The storyline and characters (Beautiful, mysterious woman in danger! Only the irresponsible idiot can help her!) is standard. This is the movie version of comfort food, and it’s a pleasant surprise to find it coming out in September when the standard action movies are usually leaving theaters.
The hero of “Cellular” is Ryan (Chris Evans), a stereotypical self-centered twenty-something guy. His girlfriend dumped him because, as she accurately observes, he’s immature and irresponsible. He refuses to believe that they’re done for good. En route to run an errand for her (to prove he’s changed, of course), his cell phone rings. On the other end is science teacher Jessica Martin (Kim Bassinger), who has been kidnapped by a group of nasty thugs lead by a nasty man in a leather jacket (Jason Statham). She has cobbled a phone together out of the remains of a smashed one, and it barely works. If Ryan hangs up, she might not get him – or anyone – again.
Ryan is a good guy, so once she convinces him she’s for real he agrees to give the phone to a cop so she can ask for help. The kidnappers have said that they’ll go after her child next, but there might be time to head them off. The desk sergeant at the local precinct, Officer Mooney (William H. Macy) is busy and sends him up to the fourth floor – out of cell range. Ryan can’t get up there and winds up trying desperately to help Jessica and her family himself.
What makes “Cellular” work is the engaging characters. The same plot with less likeable (or hateable, in the villain’s case) actors would fall flat. Evans is utterly convincing as a guy who is young, good looking, and used to coasting by on his natural charm. He’s desperate when faced with a real crisis and his attempts to be smart don’t always work (although he does get to do a few things we’ve all wanted to do, like demand faster service from pretentious boutique retail workers at gunpoint).
Bassinger, who is aging beautifully and actually gets to play her age here, is fantastic as Jessica. She balances the panic any ordinary person would feel under the circumstances with the determination and logic of a scientist. She uses the material she teaches in 10th grade biology to help her and if she sometimes lacks a little common sense, it’s only in service of the plot.
Poor William H. Macy is stuck in another likeable wuss role. Mooney is about to retire, of course, and once the action starts, he keeps complaining that he’s been a cop for 27 years without having to deal with this kind of nonsense. Jason Statham is thoroughly menacing, his British accent coming more from the streets than from the Queen’s parlor. This is one scary Brit, and it’s to be hoped that he keeps making movies that we Stateside folk get to see.
“Cellular” feels like an action movie but contains very little actual violence. There are car chases and the occasional fistfight, but almost all the tension comes from suspense. There is always at least one thing going on for us to worry about. There’s Jessica’s plight underneath everything but Ryan constantly has smaller obstacles to deal with, from an officious school security guard to unhelpful retail workers at a cell phone store. The film keeps us alternately laughing and holding our breath, waiting to see how Ryan is going to get out of the jam this time.
The dialog is a joy as well. It’s not particularly deep but it’s full of laugh-out-loud wit. There are some priceless lines, as when Ryan, enraged at a slow driver in front of him, pulls even with her and yells, “Hey! Get off your phone and pay attention to the road!” then immediately gets back on the phone and says, “Okay, Jessica, I’m here.”
There are some flaws, of course. The movie has several holes when you look back at it, but it’s engaging enough that they’re easy to ignore when you’re caught up in the film. What’s genuinely annoying is that Jessica’s son has taken on the old fashioned pathetic woman’s role. He’s an 11 year old boy and ought to be clever enough to kick the baddies in a tender spot and run for the hills but he just whines a lot instead. We’ve liberated movie women to be strong, now it’s time to let the kids be strong too.
Still, “Cellular” is a lot of fun and well worth watching if you like fun action flicks. It’s not particularly deep and it’s definitely not very original, but it’s clever and fun. This is a classic summer popcorn movie in spite of its late release date. If you just want to go have a good time at the movies without having to think too much, it’s a great bet.