About Ealasaid

Ealasaid is a technical writer, freelance movie reviewer, bookbinder, and geek-of-many-trades based in Portland, OR.

Serenity

Written and Directed by: Joss Whedon Starring: Nathan Fillion, Gina Torres, Alan Tudyk, Adam Baldwin, Jewel Staite, Summer Glau, Sean Maher, Chiwetel Ejiofor Rated: PG-13 for sequences of intense violence and action, and some sexual references. Parental Notes: This film has some fairly intense moments but is probably fine for mature preteens and up.

Lord of War

Written and Directed by: Andrew Niccol Starring: Nicholas Cage Rated: R for strong violence, drug use, language and sexuality. Parental Notes: This is not a film for children. Older teens who can handle the realistic violence and sexuality may find it interesting, and it would certainly serve as a good conversation starter for a discussion about international arms trafficking.

The Transporter 2

Directed by: Louis Leterrier Starring: Jason Statham, Amber Valletta, Allesandro Gassman, Kate Nauta. Rated: PG-13 intense sequences of violent action, sexual content, partial nudity and brief language. Parental Notes: The violence here is mostly cartoonish, and the partial nudity consists of half a nipple, half a rear end, and a villainess who spends as much time as possible wearing nothing but her underwear. It walks a fine line as far as suitability for preteens, but teenagers should be fine.

The Brothers Grimm

Directed by: Terry Gilliam Starring: Heath Ledger, Matt Damon, Jonathan Pryce, Peter Stormare, Lena Headey, Monica Bellucci Rated: PG-13 for violence, frightening sequences and brief suggestive material. Parental Notes: This is a strong PG-13 — Terry Gilliam is known for including disturbing elements in his films and this is no exception. Viewers will encounter a pulverized kitten, a living corpse, a horse which swallows children, and plenty of grim fairy tale elements.

Red Eye

Directed by: Wes Craven Starring: Cillian Murphy, Rachel McAdams, Brian Cox Rated: PG-13 for some intense sequences of violence, and language. Parental Notes: This is a solid PG-13 thriller with action, suspense, and good-looking leads. There’s some violence, and while it’s not especially graphic, it is rather creepy in spots. “Red Eye” is probably fine for teens and mature preteens.

The Aristocrats

Directed by: Paul Provenza Starring: over 100 comedians, including George Carlin, Robin Williams, Chris Rock, Billy Connoly, Whoopi Goldberg, Eric Idle, Carrot Top, and the editorial staff of The Onion. Rated: No rating, but clearly intended for adults. Parental Notes: Parents, take the rating note to heart. This is not a film for kids. Indeed, it’s not a film for teenagers either, unless they are incredibly mature. Setting aside the likelihood of any child who sees this movie to tell their own filthy version of the joke at the most inopportune time, most kids won’t really understand the point of the film, and so it will bore them. This is a grownups movie.

The Dukes of Hazzard

Directed by: Jay Chandrasekhar Starring: Sean Williams Scott, Johnny Knoxville, Willie Nelson, Jessica Simpson, Burt Reynolds Rated: PG-13 for sexual content, crude and drug-related humor, language and comic action violence. Parental Notes: Some parents may have concerns with the racial and sexual humor of the film, but overall it’s a fairly average PG-13 rating. Not too scary for preteens, but maybe too intense (or too racy) for kids under 10.

Must Love Dogs

Directed by: Gary David Goldberg Starring: John Cusack, Diane Lane, Christopher Plummer, Stockard Channing Rated: PG-13 for sexual content. Parental Notes: This is a fairly standard romantic comedy. There’s some bawdy material but nothing graphic. Really, the most damage it might do to your children is give them unrealistic expectations in life.

Bad News Bears

Directed by: Richard Linklater Starring: Billy Bob Thornton, Greg Kinnear, Sammi Kraft, Brandon Craggs, Timmy Deters, K.C. Harris, Tyler Patrick Jones Rated: PG-13 for rude behavior, language throughout, some sexuality and thematic elements Parental Notes: This film deserves its PG-13 rating; although it features kids in the 10-13 set as characters, the foul language and rude behavior may be a bit much for some parents to consider this appropriate for their own kids. That said, the underlying messages of the film are good and most kids have heard all this language before.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Directed by: Tim Burton Starring: Johnny Depp, Freddie Highmore, David Kelly, Missi Pyle, Deep Roy, Annasophia Robb, Julia Winter, Jordan Fry, Philip Wiegratz Rated: PG for quirky situations, action and mild language. Parental Notes: Although some of the events may unsettle very young children, this is overall a great kids’ movie. It’s a morality tale, where the good are rewarded and the bad are punished, and it’s quirky enough to keep that predictability from making it dull. Even better, there’s plenty here to make it worth seeing for parents too.